I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize