i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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