He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
