i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
