apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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