Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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