I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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