he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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