you would pick up someone in the library
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
