6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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