SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
