it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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