I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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