his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
