I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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