1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
