We're facebook friends in real life
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
