His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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