This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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