Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
