dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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