at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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