loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
