If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
