Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
