Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
