I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
