you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize