CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
