Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize