The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
