batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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