When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
