plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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