just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
