Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
