Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
