my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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