feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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