went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize