i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize