i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
