I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
