If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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