Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
