you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
