I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
