The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
