remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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