i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
