your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize