I must be too annoying 4 u.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
