bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
