my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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