Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
