I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
