If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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