i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize