..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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