If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
