My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
