She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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