On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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