Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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