Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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