i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
