you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
