Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
