WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Your cock deserves a montage
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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