I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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