It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
