Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
