Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
