A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
