doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
