some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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