I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
