life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Boobs are out for the taking
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
