So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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