Where is the hickey?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
