umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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