Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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