Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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