she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
