but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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