Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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