girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
