What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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