What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
