Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
