She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
