There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
