Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
