my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
