Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
