were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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