the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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