dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
