After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
