ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
