im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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