im about as happy as oj after his trial
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
